The Exorcist (don't read this if you don't have a strong stomach)

I have always had a very easy gag reflex. When I was teaching I had a student that was notorious for coming to school with a runny nose. Not only was it runny, it was bright green and thick runny which typically meant he was carrying around some sort of virus. And we all know that kids with runny noses have horrible breath. So I would sit next to this kid and teach him seeing up close and personal the green snot and smell the stench and would typically get a gag reflex going (like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber) Anyway...I see gross stuff and don't handle it well. That is until I had kids. I have cleaned up more puke in the past 48 hours than anyone should have to in their entire lives. Here is a little advice for those of you out there who may have to do this in the near future. If you think your kids might puke in the next 24 hours, don't feed them spaghetti o's and meatballs and for sure don't give them pickles. Just a heads up....
I just recently lived through a version of The Exorcist with projectile vomitting. My daughter, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, apparently had a touch of the stomach flu. About midnight I hear her coughing and gagging in her room and I run in to find the most disgusting sight ever seen. It looked like an animal had been bludgeoned to death. She not only puked, but she puked all over herself, her bed, her carpet, and 2 walls. And not just a little one the walls...I am talking CSI agents could have been there to measure the projection of this puke to figure out at which angle she was sitting to hit not only 1 but 2 walls in her room. So.....back to me and my gag reflex. I heard this myth when I was pregnant with child numero uno, "when it is your child you don't worry about how gross it is, you just go into mom mode and don't worry about it." And I have to say for me that has been true. I walk in to this situation and I immediately go into mom mode. I analyze my surroundings and see...
#1 child needs bath- puke all over hair
#2 wall needs to be cleaned with soap and water
#3 bedding needs to be changed and washed
#4 before bedding can be washed need to scrape chunks of tonights supper off
#5 carpet needs to be cleaned by professional but since there is no time will scrape up the chunks, spray a little carpet cleaner and throw a towel down to avoid any "re vomit" from hitting the same spot.
#6 I need to clean everything she has touched in the last 24 hours to avoid child #2 from getting sick.
I sat in her room and picked up chunks of meatballs and pickles. I scrubbed off the layers of spaghetti o's from the walls and had to scoop the sledge off her quilt before I could even wash it. All of this I am fine with....no problems. (I am hoping that at least someone reading this is vomitting a little by now)
I lay there that night after all of this was over and I think....when did I change. When did that shit stop bothering me.... How is it that I can see my child puke over and over again and I stick out my hands to catch it? Who in their right mind would rather puke land in their hands then on the floor? Why would it ever be a good idea to hug a puking child close to your chest on the way to the bathroom to let the mess go on my shirt instead of on the floor. And as I lay there and think that "This too shall pass" I am a true mom. I have been puked on, snotted on, slobbered on and cried on. I am wearing my mythical badge of honor....watch should my wondering ears should I hear????
Child #2 puking........huh? Is this a sick joke.
I gotta go...more puked up pickles to clean up.