Small Wonders...

Sometimes the littlest things can make my day.
For instance....
I love it when I am getting gas and I stop at an even dollar. There are so many times when I try to stop at $20 and it will go to $20.01. It makes me mad so I go to the next dollar and try again. I think the gas company sets the meters that way to suck even more money out of us. But when I get it to stick on the exact dollar I send out a silent cheer of victory. And that small little wonder makes my day.

Another one is an unloaded dishwasher. For some reason unloading the dishwasher is worse than cleaning toilets. I am not sure why but it is. So on the rare occasion that my husband has unloaded the dishwasher and put the dishes away it makes me smile.

Another would be when day 2 of my hairdo looks better than day 1 and I don't have to wash my hair! Simple yes, but again it makes me smile and is such a small thing.

I love driving down my street in the summer. It is full of very tall trees that make the street very shady and beautiful. Every time I turn the corner and drive down it makes me smile.

My computer at work has a bunch of pictures of my kids loaded on it and when it goes into screen saver mode I get to see a little slide show of all my pictures. That typically means I haven't touched my computer in 3 minutes - which is very rare with my job - so when the slide show comes across I always stop and watch for a minute or two. I know that I should be working but that small wonder is sometimes enough to get through the rest of the work day.

And last for today but definately not least. When I drop my kids off at daycare they like to wave at me out the window. It is so cute to see them both up there waving and yelling at me through the window. It makes me sad to leave them, but when that is the last sight I have on my way to work it always makes me smile. And my daughter can climb up and look out another higher window as I turn the corner and I think she waves at me until my car is out of sight.....

Auntie Em! Its a Twister....

Welcome back bloggers....I bet you didn't even miss me!

So my almost 5 year old decided to rent the Wizard of Oz the other day from the video store. I was thrilled as this movie is much more my style than the marathon of Barbie movies we seem to have been watching lately. We sit down to watch the movie and it brings back so many memories of when I was a kid and they only showed the movie once a year and it was a HUGE deal. I mean HUGE with popcorn and pop (even in the living room - gasp!) I got to stay up late and sleep in my sleeping bag on the living room floor and....ok enough about me back to the story.

So the tornado starts up and my daughter starts asking questions. Then the tornado lifts the house in the air...more questions.....the house lands on the witch...more questions.....the the little munchkins come out....different questions (that is for a different day). I am not so 'in' to watching this movie anymore. Can't we just watch it for pete's sake. But the question that keeps coming back is - Mommy is there going to be a tornado here? Will the tornado pick up our house and land on a bad witch.

Now I can think of a few bad witches I would like it to land on and my mind starts to wander and I get a wicked faraway look in my eyes......oh yeah back to the story again.

So I reassure the little one and tell her that there will not be a tornado and if there was it wouldn't pick up our house and that there is no such thing as an evil witch (although that was really a lie because there are some and if my house were flying so help me.....oops sorry)

So fast forward 2 days and ---you guessed it----tornado! My husband and I knew the weather was starting to get kind of ugly so we decided to go downstairs and play. While the kids were distracted in the toy room we got the radio and the flashlight and some blankets, the phone, etc.
We cleared out the mound of crap under the stairs. By this time the kids are bored and out watching tv with us and of course the weather keeps coming on every 2 minutes. And being the genious she is...she caught on pretty quick that the guy on the tv kept saying tornado...and then pretty soon he says the name of our town and the word tornado...and you can see the wheels-a-turnin'. I am sure she is wondering about this time....
1. mom lied and there really are tornadoes
2. we are in the basement because she thinks the tornado is going to take our house away (lied again)
3. there are only 2 females down here and I know I am not the witch so it has to be mom.

We made it through the tornado warning. We read about 40 books by flashlight under the stairs and listened to the radio. There were no freak outs, no panic attacks and glad to say my children handled it well too! I know she is only almost 5 but I did realize that it is time to start telling her the truth about some things. Tornadoes happen and they are scary even for adults. And there is no yellow brick road that is going to take you to the land of Oz to see a wizardwho will help you with all your problems. However she should know that she will be surrounded by men with no brain, no heart and no courage. Hopefully it won't be all in one man - but she should be prepared!!

Things that Never cross a Man's mind

On the radio the other day (unfortunately Small town Iowa has the crappiest selection EVER) I heard a new country song by KelliePickler. Now although I love country music and was a fan of Kellieon American Idol, I am not so much a fan anymore. Nonetheless, on my 3 minute drive to work I heard this song and laughed aloud. It is all about the neurotic things women think of that would never cross a man's mind.....for instance
1. Do these jeans make my butt look big?
2. That steak is too thick
3. This beer is too cold
4. The carpet clashes with the curtains
5. I need to go shopping
Those are just a few from the song but you get your picture. Now as I am driving and laughing I start realizing how insanely true this song is. Some many things that Cross my Mind in a day wouldn't even come close to crossing my husbands mind. OBVIOUSLY!
1. This kitchen is a mess
2. There is so much laundry to do
3. I really hope he doesn't want sex tonight (see Em's blog for more on this!!)
4. Is that one of the kids crying...I better get up and check
5. I shouldn't eat that pizza it will go straight to my butt
on and on through my daily thoughts that are so far removed from my husbands. I would like to switch brains for a day - just once to know what he thinks. And I believe it would be truly helpful to him to live inside my brain for awhile. Or wouldn't it be useful to have that power that Mel Gibson had in the movie "What a Girl Wants" where he could hear what women were thinking. Granted I would like to pick and choose the times when this power would be effective as I don't want him to know EVERYTHING I think about. I mean I really don't watch HGTV for the decorating tips...I watch it for the HOT guys that are on all the Do it Yourself construction shows!
I would like this power to begin working when I am in a pissy mood and my husband says "What's wrong" and I say "Nothing" which really means something and both of us know it. Then he could turn that power on and hear everything I am thinking. Sometimes it isn't even about him. I am mad at someone else but just taking it out on him.....that would be good! Then he could step in and do something really sweet. Or he may tune in to hear me calling him every name in the book because his lazy ass is sitting on the couch while I am cleaning toilets...that would be bad! But at least he would know right!
Well I better stopping wasting time on the computer and get the dishes done.......(there's another thought that wouldn't cross a man's mind)

Lisa Hears a Who

I took my 4 year old to the movie Horton Hears a Who the other day. And as I was sitting there trying to stay awake at the matinee surrounded by a packed house of everyone else in town with the same idea on a dreary Sunday...my mind began to wander.
Do you ever think that we could be living on a tiny speck on a flower and some giant elephant is protecting us? I mean seriously, don't you ever look up to the sky and just think that there are beings watching us, manipulating our universe to see the reprocussions of their actions. Or some creature is right now running through the jungle carrying the flower that holds our speck of a universe trying to find a safe spot. That is WAY beyond the plot of the movie obviously but it gets you thinking. Or like the other Jim Carrey movie The Truman Story where there is town inside a bubble and the people get to watch his life every day on TV. I would guess that if this were true, my life would be set to the season pass setting on everyone's TiVo. "Ha....look at her, what in the hell is she thinking wearing that? Oh my god, the poor thing look at her husband sitting on the couch again. I bet he went out and drank last night. When is he going to learn. Wow, she really needs to hire a decorator. When is she going to learn some discipline, those kids are terrors! Get over it lady, no matter how many sit ups you do, you will never be able to wear those pants again." Can't you hear it.
One of my all time favorite shows is Big Brother...(in fact getting pumped up right now for tonights show! ) But can't you see it, the rest of the world watching the show of my life. Popping their popcorn, putting the kids to bed early, snuggling on the couch, watching my reality show! I just wish I had a diary room to spill my secrets, and trash talk everyone. Its a good thing I can't get voted out of my own life, or I am sure I would be the first to go!
Horton, can you hear us!

She Bangs She Bangs.....and she falls off the treadmill

My new thing lately has been trying to exercise more. I have been doing really good, getting up at 5:30 each morning and walking on the treadmill and doing sit-ups. Not quite ready for turbo class at the Y yet but getting there. My husband and I are planning a trip to Jamaica sometime in the next millenium and I want to look presentable in a swimsuit....fast forward to my topic.

So I have been searching high and low for songs that can get my sleepy ass moving at 5:30 in the morning. My current favorite is Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" The one that was butchered on American Idol by the chinese guy, who then released it himself with a video....horrible. I prefer the original version. So when this song hits the ipod it gets me movin and groovin! So much groovin, in fact I fell off the treadmill! Picture it now.....I am walking along walking along and then my song comes on and I start struttin my stuff on the treadmill. I start waving my arms and doing some salsa steps and the next thing you know....whoosh off the back and slam into the wall. Even though there was no one around to see it, I still had to look to make sure. Thankfully I didn't get hurt, or that would put a stop to the dumb treadmill for sure! Maybe next time I better pause for a few minutes and just dance on the floor! She Bangs She Bangs...Oh Baby and she moves she moves.... Just a heads up for you treadmill dancers out there, you need to be careful!
(side note....holy crap!!! My exclamation point works again. I don't believe it. See previous entry no emotion to get the whole story. I have missed you exclamation point! WoW!! I feel so alive again!)

The Exorcist (don't read this if you don't have a strong stomach)

I have always had a very easy gag reflex. When I was teaching I had a student that was notorious for coming to school with a runny nose. Not only was it runny, it was bright green and thick runny which typically meant he was carrying around some sort of virus. And we all know that kids with runny noses have horrible breath. So I would sit next to this kid and teach him seeing up close and personal the green snot and smell the stench and would typically get a gag reflex going (like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber) Anyway...I see gross stuff and don't handle it well. That is until I had kids. I have cleaned up more puke in the past 48 hours than anyone should have to in their entire lives. Here is a little advice for those of you out there who may have to do this in the near future. If you think your kids might puke in the next 24 hours, don't feed them spaghetti o's and meatballs and for sure don't give them pickles. Just a heads up....
I just recently lived through a version of The Exorcist with projectile vomitting. My daughter, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, apparently had a touch of the stomach flu. About midnight I hear her coughing and gagging in her room and I run in to find the most disgusting sight ever seen. It looked like an animal had been bludgeoned to death. She not only puked, but she puked all over herself, her bed, her carpet, and 2 walls. And not just a little one the walls...I am talking CSI agents could have been there to measure the projection of this puke to figure out at which angle she was sitting to hit not only 1 but 2 walls in her room. So.....back to me and my gag reflex. I heard this myth when I was pregnant with child numero uno, "when it is your child you don't worry about how gross it is, you just go into mom mode and don't worry about it." And I have to say for me that has been true. I walk in to this situation and I immediately go into mom mode. I analyze my surroundings and see...
#1 child needs bath- puke all over hair
#2 wall needs to be cleaned with soap and water
#3 bedding needs to be changed and washed
#4 before bedding can be washed need to scrape chunks of tonights supper off
#5 carpet needs to be cleaned by professional but since there is no time will scrape up the chunks, spray a little carpet cleaner and throw a towel down to avoid any "re vomit" from hitting the same spot.
#6 I need to clean everything she has touched in the last 24 hours to avoid child #2 from getting sick.
I sat in her room and picked up chunks of meatballs and pickles. I scrubbed off the layers of spaghetti o's from the walls and had to scoop the sledge off her quilt before I could even wash it. All of this I am fine with....no problems. (I am hoping that at least someone reading this is vomitting a little by now)
I lay there that night after all of this was over and I think....when did I change. When did that shit stop bothering me.... How is it that I can see my child puke over and over again and I stick out my hands to catch it? Who in their right mind would rather puke land in their hands then on the floor? Why would it ever be a good idea to hug a puking child close to your chest on the way to the bathroom to let the mess go on my shirt instead of on the floor. And as I lay there and think that "This too shall pass" I am a true mom. I have been puked on, snotted on, slobbered on and cried on. I am wearing my mythical badge of honor....watch should my wondering ears should I hear????
Child #2 puking........huh? Is this a sick joke.
I gotta go...more puked up pickles to clean up.

My soundtrack...

Awhile ago I read an article about making a soundtrack of my life. It sounded a little morbid at first but then realized it was an awesome idea and so I started. I started typing out a list of songs that meant something to me and then wrote a little blurb about why I liked the song or what it makes me think of. So far I have about 50 songs. You know you all have these songs...when you are sitting in your car and the song from your junior prom comes on and it makes you think of that hot guy you went to prom with and makes you smile! Or the song you heard on the day you found out you were pregnant, or the song that makes you think of the time you broke up with your first love and it still makes you cry. Or the first song you danced to with your husband....mine is Mickey! Or my favorite...the song that reminds me of a night when I was in middle school and a couple of friends were at my house and we made up a dance routine to Wild Thing by Ton Loc! Ha....

I have no emotion

Have you ever been in a situation where something in your life was missing? Something you didn't really appreciate until it was gone? Something where you didn't realize the magnitude of its presence in your life until you were no longer able to see it? Well then you can imagine the pain and utter hell I am living through right now. My exclamation point key does not work. I can't type with any emotion. It is horrible....see right there I would have put an exclamation point so you knew I really meant it. Sometimes when I am happy, I use 2 or 3 in a row. But no more. How will anyone know I am happy. Or how about the times when I am pissed off. I want to yell something at you over an email and end it with an emotion....you stupid jerk how dare you. That just doesn't have the same effect with a period at the end does it. I think I may just give up this blog. Who is going to want to read my emotionless entry...if you have made it this far I thank you. Please think of me and pray that my exclamation point key somehow returns to me.